


everything is okay right here

by tesselated



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: American AU, F/F, Girl Direction, High School AU, M/M, girl!Louis, girl!Zayn, road trip au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-09
Updated: 2014-02-09
Packaged: 2018-01-11 18:37:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,290
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1176503
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tesselated/pseuds/tesselated
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>At the end of the night, they’re sitting on the beach in the dark, the pops and bangs of fireworks still audible in the distance, not saying anything.</p><p>“This is gonna be so good.” Louis whispers, apparently not wanting to disturb the atmosphere. </p><p>“Yeah,” Zayn whispers back, and they grin at each other for a minute.</p>
            </blockquote>





	everything is okay right here

**Author's Note:**

> hi !! uhh this fic came outta nowhere and then i wrote 16k of it ??? so yeah. there is a mix that accompanies it, which can be found [here.](http://8tracks.com/quidditched/everything-is-okay-right-here)
> 
> it's mostly a fic about graduating (american) high school and Friendship (tm) and Love (tm) oops 
> 
> thx to jude for being my sounding board, and to midterms giving me an urge to procrastinate.
> 
> also, they're background enough for me to not want to tag them, but there are some niall ships interspersed throughout. enjoy~~

“Do you know anything about astronomy?” Louis asks, where she’s spread out on the grass next to Zayn. It’s pitch black, that late spring nighttime that's just starting to stretch out into the nighttime. 

“No,” Zayn says honestly. “Not a thing.” The end of Louis’ cigarette burns red hot, lighting her cheeks orange. 

“No, wait. Not true. I know that’s the north star.” Zayn says, pointing above her. “And I think you use that to get to one of the dippers. But that’s it.” 

“That’s sad. It seems like we should know more about stars.” Louis says vaguely. 

Zayn snorts. “How d’you figure?” 

“Well, Zayn. We’re about to fucking graduate high school, it just seems like we should know _something_ about stars.” Louis says, and Zayn can see where she’s gesticulating from the orange end of her cigarette, moving with her hand. 

“That’s a lot for someone who scraped a C in calculus to say, I think.” Zayn says, grinning, and Louis laughs.

“Right, but calculus is bullshit. I’m not lying here looking up and asking if you can see the fucking cosine wave in the sky, am I? Stars are real life, man.” Louis says.

“Deep.” Zayn says sarcastically, making Louis laugh again.

“Fuck you. I just want to know about constellations.” Louis mutters, the laugh still in her voice. Zayn likes that, how you can tell if Louis’ just laughed by the way her voice sounds. Maybe it applies to everyone, but Zayn doesn’t know. She’s only ever noticed it with Louis. 

“Buy a book about it, then.” Zayn says, and Louis makes a little displeased noise.

“You’re so annoying,” Zayn giggles, reaching out to grab Louis’ cigarette. Actually, it might have been her’s to begin with. She doesn’t remember. 

“Books are a lot of work, Zayn.” Louis says indifferently. 

They’ve been doing this since Louis got her license, two years before Zayn. Louis sneaks out and drives to Zayn’s, Zayn sneaks out and they drive until they find somewhere to talk. Usually on Thursdays, since Louis was always of the opinion that Fridays never mattered.

Between Louis’ babysitting and Zayn’s never-ending art projects (being in three art classes will do that to you), they tended not to have much time to hang out, the way their other friends did. Besides, Zayn had babysitting too, and Louis worked, and Zayn actually did her homework, and it just never worked out. 

So this was theirs. When it was warm, they laid on the grass in the park between their neighborhoods and shared cigarettes, Louis rattling on about what Niall had done at lunch and how stupid he was and how she wanted to make out with him at least once before they graduated, just for fun. Zayn would listen, and tell Louis that she was an idiot, and tell her about Harry’s stupid jokes how Liam was still in love with him and how obvious it was getting and talk about the new Marvel books out this week.

But now it’s the April of their senior year of high school, and more often than not, they just lie together. 

“What d’you wanna do this weekend?” Zayn asks, and Louis hmm’s. 

“Let’s do something just us, not the boys. They smell bad.” Louis says, and Zayn laughs under her breath.

“Alright.” Zayn says, closing her eyes and breathing deep. 

The thing they’re avoiding is that it’s ending soon. They’ve been avoiding it all year, the fact that Zayn’s going away for school and Louis’ staying home and the boys are going all over the country and they’re all being pulled apart. 

“Just us this weekend.” Zayn repeats, reaching out to find Louis’ hand, and she swears she can hear Louis smile, feel it changing the atmosphere around them, when their fingers lock. 

++

Zayn opens their locker to find a page of blackout poetry that Louis has apparently done from a page of a science textbook, taped up proudly so Zayn would see it. The whole page is blacked out, leaving “explore my caverns” as the only words left, and Zayn laughs to herself, folding it carefully and putting it in her folder. 

“Hello, beautiful.” Harry says with a dimpled smile that makes him look more like a toddler than an eighteen-year-old from a few lockers down. 

“That’s my name, don’t wear it out.” Zayn says, giving him finger guns and a wink before grabbing the books she needs for first first class.

“Who’re you going to prom with, Zayn?” Harry asks her, and Zayn shrugs.

“Don’t know. What if we just don’t go? You know, like the cool rebels we are.” Zayn offers, and Harry snorts.

“Yeah, you know us, the cool kids.” Harry says mockingly. 

“Really. Let’s just sit around in your basement and smoke weed while you talk about some underground bullshit thing. It’ll be great.” Zayn says, only half-joking.

“That’s what we do every weekend.” 

“Exactly. That’s why it’s great.” 

Harry grins and leans against his locker. “Who’s asked you?”

“Ugh, why are we -” Zayn starts, and Harry doesn’t say anything, but the smug way he’s chewing his gum makes her roll her eyes. “Fine. Alright. Fine. Six guys have asked me. What’s your point?” 

“You don’t want to turn any of them down, do you?” Harry asks, still doing that thing where he chews like a judgmental cow. 

“Of course I don’t! You know, I’m sure they’re all perfectly lovely people - well. Not that Max guy, he’s a dick, but, you know, _generally_. And they did the asking thing, and I just.” Zayn sighs.

“I can’t believe you’ve gone your whole life being this hot and you still don’t revel in rejecting people.” Harry says.

“Okay, really, stop it with the gum.” Zayn snaps, and Harry cackles. 

“Has Louis asked you?” Harry asks mildly, and Zayn raises her eyebrows.

“Uh, no? Has Niall asked you? Am I missing something?” Zayn asks impatiently. She doesn’t know why she gets so defensive about things like this, it’s just that they bring it up all the damn time. 

“No, just, y’know. Sometimes you guys just end up doing this kind of stuff together.” Harry shrugs, and Zayn isn’t convinced, but she really doesn’t want to push it further. 

“Actually, speaking of Niall, he told me he’s considering asking Gemma.” Zayn says, and Harry stops chewing.

“She’s a sophomore in college, Zayn.” Harry says, annoyed, and Zayn tries to contain her smirk.

“Fair point, but Niall does have a way with these things, doesn’t he?” Zayn says, keeping her eyes focused on her textbooks. Harry looks deep in thought for a couple minutes before pulling out his phone and storming down the hallway.

“Idiot,” Zayn mutters with a snicker, before slamming her locker and going to class.

++

She’s on the bleachers after school, jacket on even though the spring chill’s mostly left the air, sketchbook in her lap mostly to have something to do. 

Louis’ her ride home, which means she’s currently a spectator to Louis leading powderpuff football practice, standing with her arms crossed in front of a large group of girls in pink shirts. 

Louis doesn’t actually care much about football, but she _does_ care about winning, so when Liam mentioned they needed a senior girl to coach the senior team, Louis snatched it up quick. 

Zayn sketches Louis, familiar enough to be easy, almost second nature. She draws her in her old soccer uniform, ball under her foot, and that’s _really_ familiar. Freshman and sophomore year were spent on the same bleachers, waiting Louis to finish soccer practice so they could walk home together, Louis covered in mud and Zayn with a few more pages full in her sketchbook. 

It’s over an hour later, Louis pulling her hair back into a ponytail as she rests her chin on the rail of the bleachers. “Hey, Malik. Let’s go.” 

“Yeah, alright coach.” Zayn says, and Louis giggles. 

“What’d you draw?” Louis asks, pulling her bangs back.

“Trees and shit.” Zayn lies, pulling a cigarette out of her bag. 

“Oh you beautiful artistic soul. Show me the majesty of these trees and shit.” Louis says dramatically, hand over her heart.

“You couldn’t handle it.” Zayn says, shaking her head with a grin.

“Fair enough. I don’t think I’ve ever even seen a tree.” Louis says, before walking into the nearest tree on purpose to make Zayn laugh. It works. 

They get ice cream on the way home, because fifty-five degrees in April is ice cream weather. 

“I feel bad that you have to wait for me.” Louis says, frowning. “You should ask Liam for a ride next time.” 

Zayn shakes her head. “Wouldn’t trade it for the world, Lou!” She says, over-enthusiastic but not really kidding. After all, how many more days like this are they going to have? She hasn’t _not_ gone home with Louis in years, she’s not going to start now, with two months of school left. 

Louis smiles at her, like that was the response she wanted anyway, and then smears ice cream on Zayn’s face. 

“You are a _child_!” Zayn yells as Louis wheezes with laughter, wiping tears as she drives nearer to their neighborhood. 

“I’ve gotta go get the twins from school, I’ll see you tomorrow, yeah?” Louis asks, still looking proud of herself as they pull up to Zayn’s house. 

“‘Course.” Zayn says, trying to resist smiling back at her.

“‘Kay, bye gorgeous.” Louis says, blowing Zayn a kiss, and Zayn curtsies in her skinny jeans, making Louis laugh again.

Her house is _loud_ , Doniya on the phone with her boyfriend in the living room, Aaroosa and Safaa arguing loudly over the remote, her father speaking rapid Urdu on his cell phone in the kitchen, and Waliyha’s music audible from the floor above.

“Zayn!” Safaa yells when she walks in the door. “Tell Aaroosa it’s not her turn anymore!”

Zayn sighs. “Can you just agree on something?” 

“No!” Aaroosa yells, yanking the remote out of Safaa’s hands, who screams like she’s been hit. 

“Can you all _please_ be _quiet_?” Their dad yells from the kitchen, and Zayn blesses him silently in her head. The girls huff and settle onto opposite ends of the couch while Zayn empties her backpack. 

“Hey, you guys wanna do homework with me?” Zayn asks, and they reluctantly agree, storming off to go get their books and sit down next to Zayn at the coffee table. Homework as a peacemaking tactic is one of the reasons they’re both straight A students, and Zayn feels very proud of herself for that one. 

Summer is always the craziest, with everyone home and doing things all the time, _all_ the time. It’s barely past spring, but it’s already setting in, the girls apparently trying to burn off all the excess energy they gathered when they were stuck inside all winter.

But she doesn’t know her house unless it’s loud and two girls are arguing somewhere, the smell of dinner somehow always present and their parents smiling at them as they create chaos.

In truth, she’s not looking forward to leaving it in, shit, four months. That’s soon. Sometimes she tries to forget how soon it is, because then she starts thinking about things like packing and plane tickets and roommates, and it makes her head hurt.

She had never planned on going away for college, but, well. Then she got into NYU, and she had never really planned on that either, or the massive scholarship that came along with it. 

Zayn actually didn’t plan much in her life, which meant that these things fell on her like a ton of bricks. 

She’s brought out of her reverie by Niall sending her a video on snapchat of him lipsynching “Talk Dirty to Me” and she puts New York out of her head again, for the time being.

++

“D’you want me to show you the big dipper?” Louis asks her. 

They’re on their blanket on their grass in their park, and it’s eleven.

“Yeah.” Zayn says, and Louis scoots closer to her, pulling out her phone.

“I downloaded an app.” She says by way of explanation, and Zayn laughs. 

“Much easier than a book.” Zayn says and Louis huffs.

“Yes, it is, thank you. Okay, now. North star, there. And then if you go that way, that’s the end of the big dipper.” Louis says, grabbing Zayn’s hand and pointing with it, fingers clasped around Zayn’s wrist. 

“Well look at you.” Zayn says under her breath, and Louis smiles wide, preening. 

“Yes, I’m very impressive.” She says, and Zayn smiles easily. 

It’s May, and the mild spring weather has been replaced by the looming threat of a humid summer. Now, though, at night, it’s not too bad. 

Louis sighs loudly, leaning her head against Zayn. “Are you really not going to prom?”

Zayn grimaces. “Nah. Decided against it.” 

“Zaaaaaaaayn,” Louis whines, and Zayn smiles. “It’s not gonna be any fun without you.”

“Of course it will. Have you decided who you’re going with yet?” Zayn asks. Louis goes quiet.

“I think I’m going with Eleanor.” She says, and Zayn raises her eyebrows. 

“I didn’t realize you guys were talking again.” Zayn says, trying to keep her voice light.

“Yeah. I don’t know. It just happened.” Louis says. 

Their silence shifts from comfortable to strained, but Zayn doesn’t know what to say to change it back.

“So what, are you guys like, dating again?” Zayn asks, and Louis sighs.

“I don’t know, Zayn. I don’t know. I just - she called me last week, and we talked, and. We’re going to prom together, I guess.” Louis says. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Zayn asks, and Louis sighs again.

“Because I knew you’d fucking act like this, alright? It’s - I’ll be fine, Zayn. I’m not fourteen anymore, I can handle it myself.” Louis says, an edge to her voice, before she’s sitting up. 

Zayn rolls her eyes even though Louis can’t see her in the dark. She sits up too.

“Of course you can handle yourself, Lou, jesus. Sorry for looking out for you.” Zayn pulls her legs up to her chest, resting her chin on the dirt-scuffed knees of her jeans.

Louis doesn’t say anything else, but Zayn knows she’s thinking it, the too-mean _You won’t be here much longer to look out for me._

The thing about being friends with Louis since they were five is that she always knows what Louis wants to say, the biting remarks she holds back. She used to not stop herself. She’s grown up, Zayn guesses. 

Zayn swallows hard. “I’ll walk home.” 

“Oh, don’t be an asshole, I’ll drive you.” Louis says, annoyed, and Zayn sighs. 

“Fine.” 

It’s a three-minute drive back to Zayn’s house, and it’s spent in tense silence. 

“I wish you wouldn’t fucking be like this.” Louis says when they’re in front of Zayn’s driveway, and Zayn sighs again.

“I’m not trying to be like anything, Lou.” 

“Just be happy for me, then! We’re not fucking getting married, it’s just _prom_. I know it’s whatever, like, beneath you, and your intellectual bullshit, but -” Louis says, sounding like she’s getting worked into a full-blown rant.

“Is that what you honestly think? That I’m not going because I think I’m better than you?” Zayn asks, and Louis snorts, but doesn’t say anything.

“Look, Louis. Sorry I’m not thrilled about this, I had to fucking pick up the pieces last time.” Zayn says, and she knows it’s too harsh, but she says it anyway. Louis flinches.

“Well, you’re in luck, this time you won’t be on babysitting duty, because you’ll be off in New York, inhaling paint fumes and sucking your hipster boyfriend’s dick.” Louis spits, and Zayn gets out of the car, slamming Louis’ car door as she stomps into her house. 

She wishes she had told Louis to go fuck herself, that she was being stupid, that she was always being stupid, but a bigger part of her wishes none of this had ever happened. She wishes she could feel anything but dread at the idea of Louis with Eleanor again.

It took Louis two years to stop avoiding places she knew Eleanor would be. She never rejoined the soccer team, even though she made varsity her freshman year, even though she would’ve gotten scouted, Zayn’s sure of it.

Louis’ not fourteen anymore but it took her a long time to get over fourteen, and Zayn wishes she could feel optimistic about this.

++

They make up within a few days, like they always do, but there’s an edge to everything now. There’s an edge around Eleanor and there’s an edge around New York, and they try to avoid both subjects as much as possible, like if they get too close to either the barbed wire will cut their skin.

They eat lunch and Zayn waits for her after school in the bleachers, half-heartedly working on the last dregs of her homework before they’re done, before high school’s _finally_ over. They lie in the park and talk about graduation and their families and everything’s almost normal.

Zayn goes with Louis to get her prom dress, a short gold thing with a puffy princess skirt and glitter everywhere. 

“God, I look good.” Louis says, spinning in the dressing room, and Zayn laughs.

“Yeah, you do.” Zayn says, and they smile at each other for a minute.

“I want to wear heels but then I’ll tower over her.” Louis says, apparently before she thinks better of it, and her face falls.

“Do it anyway.” Zayn says, moving past it. Louis smiles at her again. 

“I’m sorry we fought.” She says, running her hands over the tulle of her dress. Zayn shrugs.

“I just don’t want to see you get hurt.” Zayn says quietly, and Louis smiles again, a sad kind of smile.

“Yeah. I know.” Louis says, and then she’s leaning down and burying her face in Zayn’s neck, wrapping her arms around her, and Zayn breathes deep, breathes the smell of Louis’ perfume.

The thing about Louis, Zayn knows, is that everything she does, she does with all of her. 

It’s the reason she always used to break her bones on the playground and won class president six years in a row, and it’s the reason that when she was fourteen, it only took two weeks of soccer practice to fall in love with Eleanor, new blood from a different school district. That was the most Zayn ever saw Louis put into anything, and when Eleanor wasn’t quite up for Louis’ brand of all-encompassing love, her too-honest lack of fear, Louis fell apart more than Zayn had ever seen her do.

And maybe Zayn should have seen this coming. Because Louis never gives up on these kinds of things, and Zayn isn’t sure if Louis ever stops loving the people who hurt her. 

“I’m getting heels.” Louis says after she pulls away from Zayn and looks herself up and down in the mirror. Zayn laughs.

“As you should.” Zayn says, leaning back against the wall of the dressing room while Louis spins in pretty circles, her dress moving with her. For a second, Zayn absentmindedly wishes she was going to prom, if only to see Louis like this, bouncing in tulle. 

++

The last weeks of school crawl forward, all the seniors getting more antsy by the day. Louis leads the senior girls into a powderpuff football victory, Niall passes out everyone’s yearbooks and signs everyone’s who asks him (everyone), Zayn finishes her homework in the hour before it’s due, and everything feels like it’s in limbo.

Everyone’s getting ready to be gone, but they’re all still around; everything is in-between and odd. 

Louis and Eleanor are properly dating again, holding hands next to each others’ lockers and everything, and Louis and Zayn still have their nights together and shared cigarettes.

And then, it’s over. The last day of classes is there and girls are weeping in the hallways, hugging each other, and Zayn is walking out of the doors for the last time on Harry’s shoulders, Louis and Niall screaming the lyrics to “School’s Out” with Liam trailing them, laughing loudly. It’s satisfying, this picture-perfect young adult novel ending to high school.

Well, not ending. There’s still prom and graduation, but. This is the proper ending, with kids filtering out of the doors into the already-hot summer sun, cars honking obnoxiously as they stream out of the parking lot. 

They pile into Louis’ car and get burgers and milkshakes, sitting on the wooden picnic benches outside of Dairy Queen and reveling in the All-American of it all. 

“I can’t believe I’m going to UCLA,” Niall says, laughing around his burger. “Talk about all-fucking-American.”

“I hope you learn to surf and come back even more blonde,” Harry says, and Niall laughs his pleased cackle of a laugh.

“I hope you learn to longboard and come back tan as fuck,” Louis offers, and Niall laughs harder. 

“Meanwhile, Harry’s gonna be snowbound in Vermont.” Niall laughs, and Harry groans. 

“Actually, all of you will be snowbound. Have fun, guys.” Niall says, grinning, and they all throw fries at him.

“How’d I end up friends with a bunch of fucking nerds, anyway? You assholes and your prestigious universities.” Louis says, smirking as she throws another fry at Niall. 

“Maybe we found _you_ , Lou.” Harry says seriously, looking earnest.

“Well, if you were supposed to save me or whatever, you did a shitty job.” Louis laughs.

“Don’t feel bad, Lou, Liam’s not going to prestigious university.” Zayn says with a grin. Liam frowns.

“Hey,” He says with a pout. “State’s a good school.” 

“For drinking.” Niall says.

“Well, that’s a good school in my book.” Louis says with another laugh.

It all feels so easy and warm, like the end credits of some coming of age movie, and Zayn is simultaneously overwhelmed by how much she loves her friends, and how soon they’re leaving each other. Harry to Vermont, Niall to California, Liam only a few hours away, Zayn to New York, and Louis. 

Louis who’s not going anywhere at all, and that makes Zayn want to cry, how easy it would be for them to stay together, the remaining two in the face of it all. 

But New York’s waiting for her, big and scary and isolating, and she can’t turn away from a scholarship bigger than her father’s yearly income. 

She scoots closer to Louis, grabbing her hand under the table, and Louis makes a noise, content and quiet enough for only Zayn to hear. 

They were the first two, after they met at the bus stop to their first day of first grade. Then they were friends out of proximity, neighbors making easy friends, after all. And then they were inseparable, for years. Liam came next, after Zayn took him under her wing a bit in middle school; he was new and not very well-liked and looked quite a bit out of his skin. Then Harry in high school, and with Harry came Niall, both of them loud and happy and popular. 

And somehow, they stuck. They became tangled up in each other, like when you put your headphones in your pocket wound up neatly and pull them out again in a knot. But Louis and Zayn were the first two, and that was always present. Even when it was all five of them, it was the boys and ZaynandLouis, always one word, one presence made up of two people that grew up entwined, twisting around each other like vines. 

And if Zayn is being honest, she doesn’t know how to untangle them. 

That night, they all lie in Niall’s basement and smoke his pot, Harry and Liam playing Mariokart and both of them managing to be equally terrible while Louis makes critical, disappointed noises from behind them.

Niall’s playing haphazard chords on his guitar on the other end of the couch, Zayn’s legs slung over his, and she thinks maybe people are right when they say high school is the best years of your life.

++

The day of prom, Louis calls her at eleven AM. 

“What.” Zayn monotones into the phone from three inches away, too asleep to pick it up.

“Come to my house.” Louis says sternly, and Zayn groans.

“Louis, it’s _morning_. I don’t do morning.” She says, yawning.

“Right, but it’s also prom, and I need your tacit support on my every action.” Louis says as if this is self-explanatory.

“You have it. You look beautiful. I love you. See you at six.” Zayn says. She rubs at her eyes with the backs of her hands and rolls over in bed.

“Oh, just come over, please.” Louis says, whining properly, and Zayn doesn’t have the energy to fight back against that tone of voice.

“ _Fine_ ,” Zayn sighs. “But I’m walking over in my goddamn pajamas and no one can stop me.” 

“Wouldn’t dream of it.” Louis says before hanging up on her. 

Zayn puts on sunglasses and flip flops, shuffling the two blocks over to Louis’ house, where Louis opens the door after one knock.

“I’ve been expecting you,” she says ominously, and Zayn rolls her eyes.

“Well, you invited me over, so…” She mutters, but Louis shushes her.

“Don’t ruin my fun, Zayn.” Louis says, smiling wide and eyes bright.

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” Zayn grumbles, but she smiles back anyway.

She sits on Louis’ bed while Louis meticulously does her makeup, painstakingly slow. 

“This is the most concentrated I’ve ever seen you,” Zayn says.

“It’s once in a lifetime, Zaynie. Or, you know, never in a lifetime, depending on how self-important you are.” Louis says, winking at her through the mirror, and Zayn sticks her tongue out. 

Zayn watches cartoons on Louis’ laptop while she curls her hair, brushes foundation on her face, and whatever the fuck else she does. Except then Louis’ waking her up, and Zayn can’t even feel bad because this is what you get when you force her to wake up at eleven in the damn morning.

“Jesus,” Zayn says, blinking. Louis’ leaning over her in full makeup, golden skin offset by golden eyeshadow, eyeliner expertly winged, lips rosy pink.

“Yeah?” Louis asks, winking and grinning. 

“Yeah.” Zayn says, grinning back. 

“Help me get into my dress, then.” Louis says, and Zayn gets out from under Louis’ covers to zip her up. 

“When’s everyone coming?” Zayn asks, stretching.

“Half an hour.” Louis answers, and Zayn raises her eyebrows.

“Oops. Stealing your clothes, then.” 

“Oh, feel free. Not like they’re mine or anything.” Louis says, and Zayn rolls her eyes.

“You’ve been stretching out the ass of my jeans for _years_ , Lou.” Zayn says, and she thinks she can hear Louis humming Bootylicious from across the room. 

She takes a pair of jean shorts and a crop top, figuring she should at least look presentable if she’s going to be in the background of these prom pictures.

“Ugh, fuck you, you always look better in my clothes than I do.” Louis complains, throwing a piece of dirty laundry at her in some form of retaliation. Zayn laughs. 

“Oh, look at you!” Louis’ mom coos when they walk down the stairs, Louis in her four-inch heels and Zayn in her flip flops. 

Louis blushes, posing a bit on the stairs before hopping down the rest of them. 

“C’mon, pictures of the two of you.” She says, pushing them together and grabbing her camera.

“I don’t think I’m exactly prom ready,” Zayn laughs, but Louis’ mom hushes her, telling them how to pose, so Zayn follows directions.

“Okay, silly one.” She says in a voice reminiscent of all school photographers Zayn’s ever worked with. Louis leans over and kisses Zayn on the cheek and Zayn throws up devil horns with both her hands. 

The real pictures are a similar affair, all the boys running around in their tuxes. Niall’s date is _truly_ out of his league, tall and tan and too gorgeous.

“Where the hell did you find her?” Zayn asks him, amused.

“She’s Greg’s friend, and apparently she’s always had a crush on me.” Niall winks, and Zayn laughs, because only Niall.

Harry and Liam are dateless, and she hears Harry say, “Hey, that’s okay, let’s just pretend to be each others’ dates.”

Liam laughs a little too loudly before they get into the couples poses with the rest of them, Harry’s hands resting on Liam’s waist.

Eleanor and Louis are the most distracting, though, both of them radiating this pink glow of tiny hearts as they stand pressed together, Eleanor in her long white dress and Louis in her short gold one. Louis was right, she does tower over El in her heels, but they look good together. Zayn smiles at it, how pretty they are, and tries to shake off that tiny sliver of disappointment in the back of her head.

She doesn’t know what she’s disappointed about, anyway. Nothing in particular.

She takes pictures on Louis’ phone, at least a hundred racked up by the time their photoshoot is over, and then they’re all piling into the limo.

“Have a lot of happy teen fun for me, guys.” Zayn calls, and they all wave goodbye out of the sunroof. She wishes it didn’t feel bittersweet, but it is what it is, she supposes. 

She’s lying in bed reading at 2 AM when Louis calls her.

“Zaaaaaaaaaayn,” She says, her voice slurred and hoarse.

“Hey, Lou. Fun night?” Zayn asks, fairly unfazed. This was relatively normal.

“No. I’m outside your house. Let me stay the night, please.” Louis says, and that’s when Zayn hears her sniffling. 

“Yeah, yeah, one sec.” Zayn says quickly, hanging up and skipping down the stairs to let Louis in, where she’s standing dejectedly on her porch. Her makeup’s a little askew and her mascara’s running, but Zayn’s happy to see she’s still mainly in one piece. 

“C’mere, babe.” Zayn says quietly, and Louis topples forward, sniffling into Zayn’s neck and breathing ragged. 

“Go up to my room and change, I’ll be there in a minute.” Zayn says softly, stroking Louis’ hair. 

Louis nods and pads up the stairs carefully, heels in her hand. Zayn sighs. This can’t be good.

She makes Louis sleepytime tea and brings up a glass of water and a slice of leftover pizza, too, not sure what to prepare for. 

Louis is curled in a ball on Zayn’s bed in a too-big t-shirt, mascara running onto Zayn’s pillows and knees pulled up to her chest.

“What happened, babe?” Zayn asks, setting the tea down on her nightstand. 

“Me and El broke up.” Louis says quietly.

Zayn sighs. “I brought you tea.”

“Thanks,” Louis hiccups, sitting up to reach for it and grabbing the pizza with her other hand. 

“So what happened, then?” Zayn asks, sitting down next to Louis. 

“Prom was great, you know? So great. We all danced and there was a picture booth and it was great. But then, I don’t know. I just had to break up with her, because I have the _shittiest_ timing ever, you know? Just the fucking worst, Zayn. Why did I do it at prom? Why didn’t I - god.” Louis says all in one breath, and Zayn blinks.

“You broke up with _her_?” Zayn asks. Louis takes another bite of pizza and nods. 

“And then we went to Barbara, that girl Niall was with, we went to her afterparty and it was so fun but I just kept thinking. About like, everything. And then I got really drunk. And I just don’t know anymore, Zayn.” Louis says, still crying.

Zayn’s confused, but she doesn’t push it. Sometimes Louis gets like this, too many things in her head and no way to make sense of it, but she always does eventually, and usually she tells her once she’s figured it out.

“It would have been so much easier.” Louis says softly, holding onto the mug of tea with both hands.

“What would’ve?” Zayn asks.

“With Eleanor. She’s staying too, you know. She’s taking a gap year. And I’ll be here, and she’ll be here, and it would just be so _easy_ to be in love with her again.” Louis says. Her voice sounds wrecked, hoarse from crying and drinking and still slurred. 

“But you can’t?” Zayn asks, and Louis breathes in deep, exhaling long. 

“I don’t think so.” She says, voice shaking. 

“I’m sorry, Lou.” Zayn whispers, leaning over to hug her again. Louis flattens her legs so that Zayn is essentially sitting in her lap, but it must not be uncomfortable for her. 

“Can I stay the night, please?” Louis asks her, voice small and scratchy in Zayn’s ear. 

“Yeah, ‘course. Drink your water, babe.” Zayn says, hopefully in a comforting tone of voice. 

They stay like that for a while, Zayn’s arms wrapped around Louis while Louis finishes the glass of water and the slice of pizza and sounds more normal and less drunk. 

“C’mon, bedtime.” Zayn says when Louis’ eyes keep fluttering closed. 

“Can you put on a movie? I don’t want to think.” Louis says, lying down and getting under the covers.

Zayn gets up and puts on The Lion King, familiar enough to both of them that it’s essentially a bedtime story.

“Hakuna matata,” Louis says, laughing to herself, and Zayn smiles as she pulls back the covers and gets in bed next to Louis. 

“Thank you.” Louis breathes next to Zayn’s ear before falling asleep, and Zayn sighs. 

“You’re welcome.” Zayn whispers out loud, mostly to herself.

++

The five of them spend a month doing nothing. They lay out by Harry’s pool and smoke weed in each others’ backyards and have more sleepovers than they’ve had since freshman year. Harry cooks them breakfast in his house, usually void of adult supervision unless you count Gemma, who just kind of hovers around and makes fun of Harry sometimes. 

They live in each others’ pockets more than they ever have, their grip on each other tightening every time they get a reminder that in two months, they won’t have each other like this anymore. 

Niall, Harry, and Zayn buy their plane tickets together one day, the three of them sitting in a circle on their laptops in Liam’s living room and sighing. They book them all on the same day so they can go to the airport together, and Harry starts to cry after Niall suggests it.

“Fuck off, Styles, you’ll make me start too.” Niall says, voice cracking, and Zayn gives a watery laugh.

“Don’t leave me, you massive idiots.” Zayn says, crawling over to lie in Harry’s lap, and Niall follows her.

“I don’t want to.” Niall says, wiping at his eyes. 

“I hate this.” Harry says, sniffing loudly.

“I hate everything. Why are we getting educations? This is fucking stupid. Let’s just stay here forever.” Zayn says, and they give a collective sigh. 

Liam walks in the back door and stops in his tracks.

“Why is everyone crying?” He asks, which makes them cry more.

“Why did you and Louis let us apply to these schools, Liam?” Harry asks, sounding like a toddler throwing a tantrum, and Zayn can relate. 

“Because they were good opportunities.” Liam reasons, but he’s pouting now, and sitting on the floor next to their pile of collective sadness. 

“Not good enough to _leave_.” Zayn says, and Liam frowns harder.

“Don’t do this to me,” He says quietly, before lying down on top of them. 

They stay like that for half an hour until Louis shows up too, who apparently catches on as soon as she sees them and dives on top.

“I’m going to send you each care packages every month.” She says, already sniffling, and they all make pained noises.

“That’ll be expensive, Lou, don’t do that.” Harry says. “Send us letters instead.” 

“Yeah, with naked pictures in them, like we’re soldiers off to war.” Niall offers, and Louis laughs heartily, reaching out to slap at him.

“I hate you guys. Don’t leave.” She says, one of her hands finding Zayn’s and squeezing. Zayn squeezes back. 

“I can’t believe I’m gonna be stuck here at community college while you guys -” Louis starts, but they all cut her off in protest.

“Don’t do that, Lou.” Liam says sternly, and Louis gives a small humph.

“Fine, I won’t.” She says sadly. “Just don’t forget about me while you’re off living your dreams, or whatever. Think of me, changing diapers and seeing people we went to high school with every day while you’re like, fucking, surfboarding or whatever, Niall.” 

“At least you know I won’t be doing anything glamorous.” Liam says, and Louis laughs.

“Or me. Unless you count trudging through snow glamorous.” Harry agrees. 

“We could never forget you, Lou.” Zayn says quietly, and Louis squeezes her hand again. 

“Hey, wait. Let’s stop being sad, I have an idea.” Louis says, rolling off of them and sitting up. They follow her lead, all of them staying close enough to touch though.

“Let’s, like, do something. Go camping. No! Road trip. Let’s road trip.” Louis says quickly, getting a familiar gleam in her eyes.

“We could road trip _and_ go camping.” Harry suggests, looking less sad.

“Fuck it, man, let’s do it all. Let’s do everything.” Niall says, and Louis laughs, her excited laugh that she gets when she’s plotting.

“Let’s do it. For real, let’s do it. Are we gonna do it?” Louis asks, looking around the circle expectantly. 

And how could they really say no?

++

The next two weeks they spend carefully planning. Well, Liam’s carefully planning, while Louis rattles off ideas, and Niall and Harry are making shopping lists, and Zayn makes playlists. 

They clear with everyone’s parents, and start a gas money collection composed of tips and what they can spare from their savings, and eventually, there’s a groundwork, a plan, an itinerary. 

They decide to take Liam’s SUV, giving up gas mileage for room for five people to live for a few days, and leave on the 4th of July. 

“Let’s get this show on the fucking road!” Louis shouts, and Harry gives a wolfish “ow!” out the window. 

The first three hours are spent driving to the lake, to watch the fireworks over the water and make shapes with sparklers next to little kids eating elephant ears. 

They pose for pictures together in their bathing suits and big sunglasses, asking middle-aged couples to take their crowded-together family portraits, sticky with sunblock and sugar.

At the end of the night, they’re sitting on the beach in the dark, the pops and bangs of fireworks still audible in the distance, not saying anything.

“This is gonna be so good.” Louis whispers, apparently not wanting to disturb the atmosphere. 

“Yeah,” Zayn whispers back, and they grin at each other for a minute.

They spend the first night cramped together in the back of the SUV, seats pushed all the way down and blankets spread out. 

“This is a bit much, even for us.” Niall says, shifting.

“Tomorrow night, let’s camp out.” Harry offers, and they all offer noises of agreement before falling into slightly uncomfortable sleep. 

They drive north, on roads where the sky is completely obscured by trees coming from either side, tall and older than they can comprehend.

They listen to Zayn’s first playlist, one of the more upbeat ones, and Harry and Niall sing along loudly while Liam drives and Zayn and Louis play Cow in the backseat. 

“That game is so stupid.” Niall says, snorting at them.

“Niall, shut up, this is farm country, I am on the _precipice_ of victory.” Louis says, and Niall just rolls his eyes. 

They get to the camping site and Liam’s put in charge of assembling one tent while Harry and Niall work on the other, which goes about as planned; Liam has his put together in five minutes while Niall holds the instructions upside-down and Harry looks in bewilderment at the poles.

“Here, lemme help.” Liam says, and Harry watches him with a sort of dopey look on his face.

Zayn looks for firewood, and when she returns, she finds Louis lounging in the same folding chair she was laying in when Zayn left.

“You are so useless.” Zayn teases, throwing a stick at her, and Louis flips her off from behind her sunglasses.

When it gets dark, Liam makes the fire, and Niall has too much fun with the matches. They pass a blunt around the bonfire, Harry trying to juggle the joint and a s’more in the same hand while they laugh at him. Niall has more fun with flaming marshmallows, and they shriek with laughter in the near-silent woods.

“I’m really glad I have you guys,” Harry says in his sticky slow voice, eyes half-lidded. 

“We are, like, scientifically speaking, the very best people.” Louis says, blowing smoke from her mouth and passing it to Liam.

“Agreed.” Niall says through a mouthful of marshmallow. 

They lapse into comfortable silence, finishing the night’s share of pot and all the chocolate. 

“So who’s sleeping where?” Harry asks, standing up and stretching.

“How about you and Liam in that one, ‘cause you guys are biggest, and I’ll bunk with the girls.” Niall says, his face neutral, but Louis and Zayn share a smirking look. 

“Okay.” Liam says sleepily, pulling off his t-shirt and honest to god tossing it over his back like an underwear model. Meanwhile, Harry struggles with his, arms caught in the neck hole as he tries to pull it off. 

“Incredible.” Zayn mutters, and Louis giggles maniacally. 

Once they’re both in their tent, Niall mutters, “Jesus christ I hope they make out already, it’s getting disgusting.” 

“Yeah, honestly.” Louis agrees with a snort, getting up and cracking her bones from sitting for too long. 

“Don’t get hard in the middle of the night, Horan. I don’t take kindly to that shit.” She warns, before padding off to their tent. Niall laughs, rubbing at his eyes and getting up.

“You coming?” Niall asks, running a hand through his hair. 

“In a few minutes.” Zayn says, putting out the remains of the fire.

“Hey, come here.” He says, but comes over to her anyway. He wraps his arms around her, his broad shoulders dwarfing her.

“I love you, you skinny little asshole.” He says, and Zayn laughs, hugging him back. 

“Gonna miss you so much, Niall.” She says, and he hugs her tighter. 

“We’re gonna get into like weird turf wars now. Gonna start arguing about pizza or, I don’t know, whatever else Californians and New Yorkers hate each other for.” Niall says, and Zayn laughs again, even though her chest is tight and she kind of wants to cry.

“Nah. Never, Nialler. Friends till the end, bro.” She says softly, and he ruffles her hair before pulling back.

“Come to bed, Zayn.” He says, pulling off his shirt and throwing it in the trunk of the car. 

“Calm down, we’re not married.” Zayn says, smiling warmly at him in the dim light.

“Yeah, okay.” He says, kicking dirt at her before following after Louis.

They’re both already asleep when Zayn finally does come to bed, Niall’s arms wrapped around Louis’ middle, and Zayn smiles again, that almost-about-to-cry smile. 

She doesn’t know when they became a family, but she knows she doesn’t want it to end anytime soon.

++

The next morning, Zayn is sitting by the charred remains of their bonfire, cuddled into someone’s too-big sweats. She doesn’t know how she ended up the first one awake, but she’s not happy about it. She’s considering who to kill to get to the root of the problem when Liam emerges from his tent, looking suspiciously content for nine in the morning.

Zayn narrows her eyes and clears her throat, and Liam seems to be shocked by her presence, blushing. 

“Hi Zayn.” He says, and Zayn looks him over. He’s got a darkish mark on his neck and the bottom of his shirt is kind of rucked up, and she gasps.

“Did you two hook up?” She asks in an excited voice, and as if to answer her question, Harry emerges from the hole in the tent, lips swollen and hair mussed.

“Oh my _god_.” Zayn says, before jumping up and sticking her head in where Louis and Niall are still sleeping.

“Harry and Liam hooked up,” She yells to wake them up, and Niall yells back, “Congratulations, you dense idiots!” in a sleepy voice.

Liam looks slightly uncomfortable, but Harry doesn’t seem to care, scratching at his hip like he’s bored.

“We’ve been waiting for years, you don’t understand. I feel like I should cook something, to celebrate. Where’s the breakfast food?” 

She finds the cooler in the back of the SUV, underneath a pile of Louis’ clothes, and makes them a tasteful arrangement of Cheetos and Oatmeal Creme Pies, because at least it has fucking oatmeal in it.

Niall and Louis emerge at the sound of wrappers crinkling, and they all coo over Harry and Liam, sat tight together on one side of the fire. 

“Hey, Harry. I’m gonna ask you something, ‘cause I’ve been wondering for a while.” Niall says, and they all give him reproachful looks, except for Harry, who doesn’t look as concerned as Zayn thinks he should. 

“Feel free, Niall. I’m an open book.” Harry says, and Niall nods.

“You look like the kind of dude who gives really good head. Do you give really good head?” Niall asks, and Liam chokes on his food. Harry makes a considering noise while Louis makes a disgusted face and Zayn laughs in surprise.

“I think so. I mean, the reaction’s always pretty good, from guys.” Harry says, and Louis snorts.

“Has anyone honestly ever been like, ‘man, that was a disappointing blow job’ after getting their dick sucked though? Sucking dick is so easy.” Louis says, and Liam is shaking his head, looking down at his plate. 

“Yeah, ‘cause you’d know.” Zayn says with a snicker.

Louis waves her off. “Doesn’t matter. I know enough. What about girls?”

Harry looks deep in thought. “I think so. I think I’m pretty good. I mean I make girls come, so. That’s good.” 

“Thanks for enlightening us, Harry.” Zayn says dryly, and he puts his hands up in defense.

“Niall asked!” He says, going back to his breakfast. “Anyway, why? I just give off some sort of oral sex aura?” 

Zayn laughs again, and Niall shrugs.

“I have no idea. Just, like, the first time I met you, I was like, I bet he’s good at giving head.” Niall says, like this is normal.

“Well, it’s not a _bad_ first impression to make, I guess.” Harry says, and now Louis laughs.

“I would suggest testing the hypothesis, because what’s a blow job between friends, really, but well. Now you’re betrothed, so I’ll respect that.” Niall says, gesturing toward Liam.

“We are not _betrothed_.” Liam says, sounding tired.

“Thanks for respecting our betrothment, Niall.” Harry says, and Niall nods, like it’s no problem.

They finish their breakfast in quiet, until Harry says, “A blowjob between friends would be a _bro_ job, by the way,” and they all groan. 

++ 

Louis takes the next driving shift, going easily fifteen miles over the speed limit at any given time.

“I swear to _god_ , Lou, if you wreck this car.” Liam warns for the fifteenth time from the passenger seat, and Louis waves him off.

“Never gotten in an accident in my life, Liam. Don’t fret.” She says, and Liam just sighs deeply. 

Zayn’s spread out on top of Niall and Harry’s laps, head resting on Harry’s thigh. 

“Hey, feed me something.” She says, nudging Harry, and he raises an eyebrow. 

“I think I’ve had dreams like this before,” he mutters, pulling the box of Cheerios out and dropping one in her mouth.

“Me too,” Niall says. “Except they were grapes.” 

“Me too, actually.” Liam says, furrowing his eyebrows.

“Alright, well you’re all fucking weird.” Zayn says, and Louis laughs from the driver’s seat.

“Nah, babe. You’re made for that shit.” Louis says, and Zayn laughs too.

“What shit is that exactly?”

“Like, you were born to be carried by lesser men and fed grapes and shit. While they like, fan you.” Louis explains, and the boys nod along.

“Well then jesus, what have you all been waiting for?” Zayn asks, and Niall laughs hard enough to almost make her fall onto the floor.

They’re driving west, heading toward Chicago, since none of them had been since their tenth grade field trip. It’s a day full of toll roads, and they all yell out the windows when they cross state lines. 

“Do you guys even know shit to do in Chicago besides the tourist stuff?” Louis asks, and they go quiet for a minute.

“No, but the tourist stuff’s cool, right? That aquarium, and the tall thing -” Niall says, and Zayn interrupts to say, “Sears Tower.”

“Yeah, that.” Niall finishes, not looking bothered.

“Let’s go to the zoo.” Harry suggests.

“Yes! Let’s go to the zoo. I fucking love the zoo.” Niall agrees, reaching over Zayn to high-five Harry.

They go to the aquarium and the zoo, Liam and Harry holding hands the entire time while Louis makes retching noises and Niall gets really excited about penguins. 

They save the Sears Tower for that night, and Zayn’s ears pop on the elevator ride up.

“Have I mentioned I’m not especially fond of heights?” Zayn asks, and Harry pats her head.

“You’ll be alright. Old people and babies do this all the time.” He says, like he thinks that’s comforting.

“Thanks, Harry.” Zayn says dryly, and he doesn’t notice the sarcasm, or else he wouldn’t be grinning like that.

The view is amazing, Zayn will give them that. It’s all bright city lights below them and dim starlight above, and it’s impressive, more impressive than anything she’s seen before.

“C’mon, pictures.” Niall says, pressing his phone into Zayn’s hands, and she takes pictures of the four of them on the balcony. 

“All of us, all of us.” Liam says, asking the nearest tourist to take their picture and pulling Zayn back to them. 

She resolutely does not look down at the 2,000 feet of empty space below her, swallowing hard and staring forward instead. But she can’t get herself to smile for the picture until Louis grabs her waist firmly, anchoring her back to earth. 

Later, they rent a cheap motel room, pushing the beds together to make, as Liam and Niall called it, a “megabed”. 

Louis puts on her lowest-cut shirt and gets the liquor store next door to sell them rum, and in the motel room, they play a TV drinking game with rules that become fairly elastic by their third shot each. 

All of them drinking together is usually an interesting affair, if only because Liam’s tolerance level is so low and Louis and Niall’s are so high. Eventually, Harry ends up in Liam’s lap, mouthing at his neck, and Louis declares it bedtime.

“I’m _not_ dealing with you horny assholes, so get up, go to bed, sleepytime.” She says, shooing them with her hands, and Harry looks grumpy as he changes into his flannel pajama pants. Liam is blushing, looking overwhelmed and very drunk, and Zayn pats his head comfortingly.

Zayn steals one of Niall’s tank tops and Louis does the same, even though they fit her considerably different than they fit Zayn, Louis’ chest stretching the front out where it hangs baggy on Zayn. 

She blames her staring on the rum, but when Louis catches her looking she just winks, flopping down onto the bed in just the tank top and her underwear. Zayn swallows, ignoring the feeling in her gut and lying down next to her.

She’s forgotten this, how they get when they both drink, Louis’ lack of inhibitions and Zayn’s inability to care, but apparently the guys haven’t noticed. Niall lies down next to Louis, Liam and Harry piling in after, and as they fall asleep, Zayn stays hyper-focused on the way Louis’ arms are wrapped around her waist, Louis’ small hands resting lightly on the sensitive skin under Zayn’s stomach.

++

The drive home has them on Zayn’s fifth playlist, which Harry has been ignoring to sing “Route 66” over and over again, until they start threatening him.

“Let’s camp another night.” Liam says from the passenger seat. 

Harry nods, and the rest mutter their agreement. Zayn’s mostly just watching out the windows at the sparse farm country they’re passing through, eyes drifting between open and closed. 

“Cow.” Louis says, pointing, and Zayn pouts.

“Don’t take advantage of my napping to win Cow, Louis.” She says, eyes closed and head leaned against the window. “I’m a vampire, I need darkness and sleep.” 

“You’re a loser, more like.” Louis says, kicking her leg. 

“That too.” Zayn says, before falling asleep. 

When she wakes up they’re at a campground, more crowded than their first one was and with a fire already made, lighting up the dusky woods. Harry and Louis are dancing obnoxiously around Niall’s iPod, and Niall and Liam are roasting hot dogs over the fire.

“Good morning.” Liam calls, waving with his free hand.

“Hey, Dracula!” Louis calls, before resuming her jumping up and down to something upbeat. 

“Sorry for sleeping so long,” She says, pulling her hair back into a ponytail and sitting down next to Liam.

“We’ve come to expect it, I think.” Liam says, grinning at her. She ruffles his hair, grinning back.

“Did I miss anything good?” Zayn asks, and Niall shrugs.

“Harry and Louis have decided to have an hour-long dance party. They’re halfway in. We’re making hot dogs. We’re gonna drink the rest of that rum later.” 

“So basically, I’m just in time?” Zayn asks, before getting up to join the last half-hour of Harry and Louis’ dance party.

“Wooooo! We’re three strong!” Louis yells, grabbing Zayn’s hand and pulling their arms up in the air. 

“American Boy” comes on Niall’s iPod and they start jumping again, Harry dancing like an embarrassing dad. 

“Niall! Be my American boy!” Louis yells, and Niall laughs loudly before running over, jumping along with Louis. She lets go of Zayn’s hand to do some sort of mock-slow dance with Niall, sped up to the beat of the song.

“Well, I can’t just -” Zayn hears Liam say, and then he’s dancing with Harry, the stupid way cool boys dance, next to Harry still doing his drunk wedding dance moves.

“Come and Get It” comes on next, and Niall hops over to Harry, doing some form of unskilled grinding. Louis turns back to Zayn, attempting to give her a seductive look for about ten seconds until she bursts into laughter. 

Dance party hour fades into all of them sitting around the fire, listening to Harry tell a story that Zayn’s kind of lost the point of.

“So, and then, yeah.” He finishes, and they all blink at him.

“Totally.” Liam says in a monotone, while Louis and Niall finally lose it and start rolling around on the ground laughing.

“So is this the last night?” Niall asks, and Louis hums.

“I don’t know. I guess so. We’re only like four hours from home, right?” She asks, looking to Liam for confirmation.

“Yeah.” He says, looking a little sad.

“It was good, though, right?” She asks, smiling.

“The best.” Harry says, smiling back at her. 

They go quiet for a few minutes, before Louis huffs, “Oh, all of you stop it. You’re not leaving for another month, we have time.”

There’s an edge of desperation to her voice that they all ignore, nodding instead. 

“No one’s allowed to be sad on this trip. Save that for somewhere else.” She says in a stern voice, and Zayn grins at the authority in her voice.

“Come on, it’s time for alcohol.” Zayn says, getting up to find the half-full bottle of rum. 

“Yes, thank you, Zayn. Thank you for having priorities.” Louis yells after her, and Zayn shakes her head, laughing.

“We need a drinking game.” Harry complains while Zayn pours rum into his coke.

“Never Have I Ever?” Niall offers, but Zayn boos.

“We know each other too well, that’s the worst.” She whines.

“Seconded.” Liam says behind her.

“Do we have cards?” Louis asks, pouring herself a drink. 

“Lemme check.” Harry says, walking off to look in the trunk, where their supplies at this point are a complete disaster. “We have Uno cards!”

“Alright, new plan, drunk Uno.” Louis announces.

“Who the fuck packed Uno cards?” Niall asks, laughing. 

“Probably Harry.” Liam says, and they all sigh in agreement. Harry comes back looking very excited about Uno.

The official rules are that any time any of them have to draw cards or get skipped, they have to drink.

This, of course, leads to everyone being tipsy within fifteen minutes.

“Draw four!” Niall yells proudly toward Louis, who groans.

“This is the drunkest I’ve been in a long time, guys.” Zayn says an hour later, after half of the Uno deck blew into the fire and they had resorted to just drinking. 

“Me too,” Harry says, giggling. “I love being drunk.”

“I’m so fucking tired.” Liam groans, and Harry makes a sympathetic noise, running his hands through Liam’s hair.

“I’m terrible at Uno.” Louis says, sounding dejected.

“You really are.” Niall agrees. 

“It was the alcohol. I’m usually a machine.” Louis assures them, her words slurring together. Zayn laughs at how her voice sounds, because that seems like something she should do.

“We should go to bed.” Liam says, trying to be constructive.

“We should sleep under the stars.” Harry says, not being very constructive.

“Yes! Let’s...do that thing.” Louis says, losing steam halfway through. 

“This sounds kinda stupid, but yeah, let’s do it.” Niall says, before rolling himself over to the tents to get the blankets. 

“Oh. I should’ve just walked.” He says when he gets there, still lying on the ground, and Zayn can’t stop laughing. 

“Oh, Niall. You beautiful little butterfly.” Louis slurs, and Zayn laughs harder. 

“Stop laughing at my emotional expression, Zayn!” Louis yells.

They arrange themselves together, Harry half wrapped around Liam like a koala, Niall spread eagle in the middle, Louis’ arm draped over Zayn’s middle. It’s nice, alone in the woods, kind of serene, Zayn thinks.

The last thing she remembers before she falls asleep is Harry saying in a stricken voice, “ _What if a bird poops on us_ ,” and Louis laughing hysterically, her breath tickling the back of Zayn’s neck. 

++

Zayn decides when they wake up that whoever invented camping is just the worst.

“The elements,” she grumbles, sipping the coffee Liam got her from McDonald’s. “Who wants to be in the fucking elements? We have _houses_.” 

Her head is pounding, and the sun and humidity isn’t helping, and she swears she keeps feeling mosquitos on her. 

“This is...one of the worst ideas we’ve ever had.” Harry says, voice hoarse from sleep. 

“The drinking, or the sleeping outdoors?” Niall asks, and Harry shakes his head.

“All of it. Who got the Uno cards? That was the dumbest thing in the world.” Harry says, running his hands through his hair, which looks a little Albert Einstein-esque.

“That would be you.” Liam says, and Harry groans. 

“I’m so _stupid_.” He says, and Liam leans over and kisses him on the cheek.

“Gross.” Louis complains, covering her face with the blanket.

“Leave them alone, Lou. Took ‘em long enough.” Zayn says, and Liam blushes. 

“You’re not allowed to blush about that, you keep straddling each other.” Louis says, glaring over at Liam, and Harry grins.

“Yeah.” He says dreamily, and Louis scowls harder.

Their drive home is spent in relative quiet, everyone hungover and exhausted, Liam sitting in the passenger seat while Zayn drives.

The other three are napping in the back by the second hour, curled into balls under the blankets. Zayn has her most relaxed playlist on, slow beats that she’s not really conscious of, while Liam gives her directions.

“I’m happy for you guys.” She says at one point, unprovoked. She just feels like she should say it.

“Thanks.” Liam says, his face softening. 

“We really have been waiting for you to get together for like, years.” Zayn adds, smirking at the eye roll Liam gives her. “You’re good together.”

“Thanks, Zayn.” He says again, smiling at her. “I don’t know what I’m gonna do without you guys, y’know.” 

“Oh, don’t start.” Zayn says, smiling. 

“It’s okay, Louis’ asleep.” Liam says, and Zayn laughs.

“I don’t want to think about it, man. Can’t even imagine.” She says. “I don’t remember what it’s like to start over like that, you know?” 

“Well. I do.” Liam says, and Zayn cringes. Sometimes she forgets, how lost and lonely Liam was when he moved to their school district at age 12, an easy target.

“I’m sorry, man.” She says, reaching out to punch his shoulder. 

“It’s alright. You were the one that, y’know. Helped, I guess.” He says, grinning in kind of a sad way.

“Well, you’re a big boy now. I believe in you.” Zayn says, glancing over at him. 

“Yeah.” Liam says, smiling at the ground. 

She wishes everything didn’t feel so final, like they were all saying these private goodbyes to each other, but that’s exactly what they were doing, really. Trying to find the quiet moments to impart everything that had built up for four years. 

“They’ll love you, man. If they don’t love you, they’re stupid.” She says, feeling like it’s nothing compared to all the things she wants to say but doesn’t know how to, that Liam is one of her favorite people in the world, how much he means to her. 

Liam just smiles at her, his biggest crinkly-eyed smile, and Zayn thinks that for all this being a trip where no one was allowed to get sad, she’s wanted to cry an awful lot. 

++ 

“Home sweet home,” Zayn announces as they pull off the highway, making the backseat jump in surprise. 

Harry makes a long groaning noise, pulling the blanket over his head. 

“Me too,” Louis intones, and Niall laughs sleepily. 

“Man, I pulled major favors to get off babysitting duty for a week. I’m gonna be on full chores for like a month.” Louis complains, rolling over. Niall pats her head in consolation.

“It was for a good cause,” Liam insists, and Zayn catches Louis nodding out of the rear-view mirror.

They sit in comfortable silence on the drive back, divvying up whose house to go to first, Niall and Louis sorting through the wreck in the trunk to find everyone’s individual belongings. 

“Ah, fuck it.” Louis says eventually. “It’ll all get mixed up again anyway. We’ll sort it out later.” 

“Yeah.” Liam agrees from next to Zayn, and they drive the rest of the way to Niall’s. 

It’s a little strange, saying goodbye. It feels real, like they’ll never see each other again, even though they’re just going back to their own houses. 

Maybe it’s because they know they can’t keep doing what they did for the first half of the summer, living on top of each other just because they could. Maybe it’s because the reality is setting in, and they’re all getting a little scared, but the goodbyes are bittersweet. 

Zayn and Louis are last, Liam taking the driver’s seat of his car back. 

“Who first, then?” Liam asks, and they both shrug.

“You wanna come to mine?” Louis asks, but Zayn shakes her head.

“Promised my parents I’d help them around the house when I got back.” Zayn says, and Louis nods. 

So Zayn gets dropped off next, sleeping bag and duffel bag in hand, like she had been a hitchhiker. She waves goodbye as Liam and Louis take off down her street, and she feels strange again. Sort of empty. 

Summer changes, after that. They still see each other every few days, but it’s not the same thing. They’re all working, trying to save money, talking about flights and what they’re packing. 

Zayn and Harry go dorm shopping together, where Zayn convinces Harry that he will not need seven sets of towels and Harry convinces Zayn that she _will_ need at least a couple. 

“This is kind of a weird time, isn’t it?” Harry asks in the checkout line, and Harry always did have that skill, to be blunt but still manage to sound polite about it.

“Yeah. Kind of in-between.” Zayn agrees, and Harry sighs, resting his chin on top of Zayn’s head.

“I’m not very good at this, I don’t think.” Harry says, and Zayn laughs.

“At what? Shopping for home goods?” She asks, turning to grin at him.

“Saying goodbye.” He says, shrugging, and her smile falls. 

She tries to get it back, to grin when she says, “It’s not like we’re dying, Harry.”

Harry smiles back, but goes back to resting his chin on her, arms wrapped around her middle.

“Anyway, you’re gonna visit me all the time. Come down from yeti country and join civilization. New York’s full of like weird hipster shit, right? You’ll fit right in, you’re a weird hipster shit.” Zayn says, and Harry laughs. 

“Of course.” He says, messing up her hair.

“How’re you and Liam?” She asks while the cashier rings her up, and Harry smiles.

“We’re good. Wish we had gotten around to it sooner, you know?” He says, and he looks a little sad again.

“You’re staying together, though, right?” 

Harry gives her a weird look. “Of course we are. How could we split up just because we’re living different places?” Harry asks, like it’s incredulous to think about, and maybe that’s indicative of all of them, their relationship to each other.

“Yeah.” She agrees, leaning against his arm. 

It’s a weird month, all in all. The exuberance of the first half of the summer is replaced by something quiet, thoughtful instead of loud and exploding outward. 

Louis’ the worst, if Zayn’s honest. She keeps trying to pretend that everything’s the same, that it would always be the same, and it made Zayn’s chest tight to be with her, sometimes. Manic. Manic is the word for Louis, jumping into pools and laughing too loud, always covering the same wound Zayn knows has been festering for months. 

They stop hanging out just them as much, and for the first time in years, they aren’t going to the park every week. It makes Zayn sad enough to try not to think about it most of the time, focusing on the work, and the little money she’s getting from designing tattoos for people, and her family, trying to soak up every last moment with them before the inevitable has to happen. 

So it’s kind of surprising when Louis calls her at midnight one week, her phone vibrating against her leg where she’s surfing on her laptop.

“Zayn.” Louis says as soon as Zayn picks up, and Zayn smiles on instinct.

“Hey, Lou.” She says back, slow and a little sleepy.

“Zayn, when do you leave?” Louis asks, and Zayn sighs. 

“Three weeks.” 

“Fuck, Zayn. Fuck.” Louis says. She hears a loud exhale.

“Are you stoned?” Zayn asks, tracing around the pattern of the tattoo on her leg absentmindedly. 

“No, just smoking your cigarettes.” Louis says simply, and Zayn smiles again.

“Hey, Zayn, come on. Let’s go to the park. What are we doing? Let’s go to the park. I’ll be over in five.” Louis says, before hanging up abruptly. Zayn sighs again, but it’s around another reluctant smile. 

She grabs her blanket and climbs out of her window to wait for Louis’ car to pull up, which it does about three minutes later. 

“Hey,” Zayn says, climbing in.  
“Hey,” Louis says back, sounding distracted. 

They pick a spot in the grass, Zayn spreading the blanket and Louis lying down on her back immediately, not saying anything.

Zayn’s content to keep it that way, since obviously Louis’ got something to say. So she lights a cigarette, lying down next to Louis quietly. 

“I missed this.” Louis says, quiet. 

“Me too, Lou.” Zayn says back.

“Why’ve we been - I mean, I know why. But. I guess I mean that I’m sorry. For like, the way I’ve been.” Louis says, quick and all at once. “I’ve been...thinking. A lot.” 

“About what?” Zayn asks, turning over to face her, but Louis stays staring up at the sky. 

“I don’t know, a lot. About how you’re gonna leave, and. Mostly that. And the guys, but mostly you. You’re gonna leave and I’m gonna stay here, and I guess. I don’t know.” Louis says, taking another drag on her cigarette. 

“I’m gonna miss you so much, Louis.” Zayn says, her voice breaking in the middle of it. 

Louis doesn’t say anything back, blinking up at the stars fast. 

“The reason me and Eleanor broke up - the reason I broke up with her was, well. It was you.” Louis says quietly.

Zayn frowns. “What do you mean?” 

“I think maybe I’m in love with you. I don’t know, is the thing, I don’t know. I feel like, if this is what being in love with you feels like, have I always been in love with you? Because, like, not much has changed. I think about you naked a bit more, but that’s not new. I think about kissing you a lot, but I always have. I’ve mostly been thinking about how I think I’ve been in love with you for a long time.” Louis says fast, taking another drag on her cigarette. “So like, how could I make Eleanor happen again? When I can see it now, when it’s like, in front of me. So that’s why we broke up.”

“Because I could have loved her again. Maybe not the way I did the first time, but maybe that was about you too, I don’t know. I just know that when I was at stupid fucking prom, I couldn’t stop thinking about you, and wishing you were there. And I knew I couldn’t do it again, with Eleanor.” Louis says.

Zayn opens her mouth to say something, but she doesn’t know what. 

“And now you’re _leaving_ , y’know? And part of me thinks, like, maybe I shouldn’t have told you. Or maybe I should have waited until like, the airport or something. But another part of me thinks, what if she feels the same way? Or what if she doesn’t know she feels the same way but she does? So I wanted to tell you. I needed to tell you, I mean.” 

Louis is still staring up at the sky, blinking fast. 

“And I just -” She starts again, but Zayn laughs.

“Louis,” she says, and Louis turns to her finally.

“What?” She asks, her voice sounding small and a little pained.

“Stop fucking talking.” Zayn says, before leaning over to kiss her. 

It’s brief, their lips touching for a moment before Zayn pulls back.

“How long have we been like this?” Louis asks in a whisper, and Zayn shrugs.

“I don’t know. But I think maybe we should stop fucking around.” 

Louis smiles, and then Zayn kisses her again, rolling over so her arm can lie across Louis’ torso, fingers rubbing absentmindedly against the soft fabric of her t-shirt. 

“I think you were my first crush.” Zayn says in a breath, and Louis laughs quietly.

“You were my first everything.” She says, pressing herself forward against Zayn.

She pulls back a minute later. “Well, not everything. But -” 

“God, just _shut up_.” Zayn says, smiling, before leaning back against her. Louis’ hands are at her waist, rucking up her shirt and holding onto her skin like if she lets go Zayn will fly to New York now, sprout wings and take off. 

“I’m so proud of you, Zayn, for New York and doing all this big dream-accomplishing shit. You’re so impressive.” Louis says, hands running up and down Zayn’s sides.

“ _You’re_ impressive, Lou, you’re staying for your family and you’re so smart and - can we do one thing at a time here, anyway?” Zayn says, breathing ragged from the feeling of Louis’ leg between her’s.

“I’ve never been good at that. It’s all or nothing with me, Malik.” Louis says, grinning, but she stops talking anyway, pulling Zayn back down to her. 

Their kissing is slower and deeper now, Louis’ tongue in her mouth, Zayn’s hands on Louis’ hips. Louis keeps making these noises in the back of her throat, soft enough that she doesn’t realize she’s doing it, and the sound makes Zayn’s skin tingle. 

“I really want to fuck you right now.” Louis says in a rough whisper, and Zayn gasps, grinding down on Louis’ leg again. 

“Is that a yes?” Louis asks.

“We’re in a park, Lou.” Zayn reminds her. The picnic blanket is sticking to her calves, a reminder of the grass underneath them.

“Oh yeah.” Louis says, blinking. “Come back to mine, then.” 

“Okay,” Zayn says almost before Louis’ done talking, and Louis smirks. 

They walk back to her car with their fingers entwined, separating only when they need to get in opposite sides. 

“Hey, or.” Louis starts, looking at the car. 

“Okay.” Zayn says again, just as quick. Louis laughs, but there’s an edge to her voice, and Zayn knows she’s as far gone as Zayn is. 

The steps they take to end up in the back of Louis’ car, seats pushed down along with Zayn’s shorts, escape Zayn’s memory because Louis’ whispering all these things that make the blood rush to her head.

“I wish we had the space to do this properly, wish I could properly look at you, all of you. You’re so beautiful, jesus.” Louis’ saying in a fast whisper into Zayn’s ear, fingers moving in light circles around her clit. 

Zayn keens, moving to get more friction, and Louis kisses at her jaw, but Louis doesn’t stop. “I’ve been thinking about this for so long, about the way you’d sound and move and feel and how you look when you come, I’ve been thinking about it for so long, Zayn.”

Zayn starts a steady murmur of _fuck_ , repeated over and over again while Louis’ fingers move. 

“Tell me what to do.” Louis says, looking eagerly at Zayn, and Zayn sucks in a breath at the sight of it, Louis’ open, unguarded face so close to her’s, the blue of her eyes still managing to be piercing in the dim light. 

“Um, more, uh, that. More of this, please, and, if you could -” Zayn says, but then Louis does something with her thumb and Zayn’s back is arching.

“You want me to-” Louis says. They keep operating in half-sentences because they can figure out each others’ ends well enough, and when Louis moves her hand so that two of her fingers are inside Zayn, her thumb still pressing against her clit, Zayn nods sharply. 

“Yes,” Zayn says, stretching it out into two syllables.

“Hey, come here,” Zayn manages a minute later, pulling Louis by the drawstring of her shorts before pushing them down awkwardly with one hand. 

“Oh,” Louis says dumbly, before trying to find somewhere to position herself so Zayn can slip her hand down the front of Louis’ underwear. They end up pressed together, arms bumping awkwardly but neither of them minding much, panting against each others’ necks. 

“M’close.” Zayn breathes, and Louis nods. The soundtrack of their breathing fills the air around them when Zayn comes, half of a moan in her throat and her hand going limp in Louis, who doesn’t seem to mind, making up for it by moving her hips roughly. 

She comes back to herself after a minute, her hand moving again as Louis breathes raggedly next to her, biting at Zayn’s jaw distractedly. 

“Fuck, Zayn, fuck, _Zayn_ ,” Louis is repeating, and Zayn kisses her bottom lip softly, like a reassurance. Louis comes with a cry, her back arching into Zayn’s touch before she lowers herself back down, still breathing hard. 

“All in all,” Louis says a minute later, arm draped over her eyes, “I would say this is one of the better decisions I’ve made lately.”

Zayn laughs easily, the grin staying on her face as Louis rolls over and nuzzles into Zayn’s neck.

“I was serious, what I said earlier, Lou. You’re so good, you’re so much better than me, staying here. You’re so much more brave than you give yourself credit for.” Zayn says, not knowing what really pushes her to, but not regretting it.

Louis makes a considering noise. “Maybe you’re right.” 

“I am. You’re going to have to deal with that.” Zayn says, tone light, and Louis laughs at her. 

“So what happens when you go to New York and fall in love with some tattoo artist or something?” Louis asks, quiet and suddenly serious, and Zayn moves back, furrowing her eyebrows. 

“You’re the only person I know how to fall in love with, Lou.” Zayn says, and Louis blinks. 

“So what, you’re saying you want to date me? Like, be with me? Even though...everything?” Louis asks, sounding surprised.

“That is exactly what I’m saying, yeah.” Zayn says. 

“Well. This was my best case scenario, and those hardly ever happen, so I’m a little at a loss here.” 

“Here’s what you do. You drive us back to one of our houses so we can fall asleep, and then tomorrow, you kiss me to wake me up, and we figure out the rest then.” Zayn says, fingers tracing patterns on Louis’ skin.

“Alright. I can do that.” Louis says quietly, but she doesn’t move, and Zayn doesn’t blame her.

“Or, hear me out, we could stay like this forever.” Louis says a minute later, and Zayn just grins into her skin.

++

It’s mid-August, and they’re sitting in Harry’s basement in a circle on the floor as he holds a tattoo gun ominously in his hand.

“This is probably the dumbest thing we’ve ever done.” Niall says from where he’s leaned against the couch, eating chips. “Where the hell did you even get that thing?”

Harry shrugs, and Louis says, “Nah, it’s great. Do me first.” 

Harry nods seriously and salutes her before crouching down at her ankle. 

Niall and Liam wince, but Louis stays grinning, even though she’s gripping Zayn’s hand like she’s about to die. But it’s over in thirty seconds, and then Louis’ cackling, looking down at it. 

“This is so cool,” she’s saying, and then Harry’s moving to Zayn, who cringes a little at the sting of it.

“Christ, this is going fast.” Niall says nervously from next to Zayn, and by the time he’s done saying it, Harry’s done with Zayn’s ankle.

“It’s my first time, Harry, be gentle with me.” Niall says.

“It’ll be tender and beautiful, Nialler.” Harry says seriously, holding Niall’s jaw.

“I love you, Harry Styles.” Niall says dramatically, and Harry sniffles loudly before pushing Niall’s sock down and tattooing him quickly.

“Ah, fuck, yeah. This hurts. You guys are insane for doing this all the time.” Niall says, cringing.

“My leg one took hours.” Zayn says, smirking at him.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Niall asks incredulously.

Harry and Liam do this weird thing now where they can have conversations through shrugs and looks, and they do that for a few seconds before Harry does Liam’s, Liam wincing through it. 

“Alright, now me.” Harry says happily, sitting back and pulling the leg of his jeans up. 

“Malik, you’re up.” Niall says, pushing her forwards, and Zay grabs the tattoo gun from Harry.

“This feels so ritualistic.” Liam says.

“That’s because it is.” Louis says simply, and Liam frowns a little.

“You ready?” Zayn asks, and Harry nods, looking unfazed. 

She draws the two neat little lines, just like the top of a screw, in less than a minute.

“Sick.” Harry says happily before grinning around at all of them.

“Congrats on your first tattoo, Niall.” Louis says, clapping him on the back. 

“Yeah, thanks. I’m kind of a badass.” Niall says, flexing his bicep. 

Zayn snorts. “Yeah, be sure to show off that sentimental friendship tattoo at parties.”

“Hey, don’t knock the sentimental friendship tattoo, Zayn.” Harry says, frowning.

“Never in a million years, Harry.” She assures him, patting his knee. 

“Well, we did it.” Liam says, and they nod.

“We’re a part of each other forever,” Louis says in an over-dramatic voice, feigning tears, and as much as she’s joking, it’s true. 

“Don’t make me actually get sentimental all over everyone.” Harry says, and Louis pretends to vomit. 

“You can get sentimental all over me,” Liam says helpfully after Harry pouts.

“Yeah, well, you can get a lot of things all over Liam that you can’t get all over us.” Niall says, and they collectively groan.

“Too far, man.” Liam says, blushing. 

But Niall’s laughing enough at his own joke to make up for the rest of them, rolling around on his back wheezing. 

Louis’ given up the fake vomiting for looking down at her ankle, wiggling her toes as she reaches out her finger to lightly trace the two little lines.

“I like this.” Louis says, looking between her’s and Zayn’s ankles.

“Me too.” Zayn says, resting her head on Louis’ shoulder. 

“So, we’ve got a few hours before everyone’s family dinners.” Harry says, fingers running over his own tattoo. “What are we doing?” 

It’s the night before Zayn, Niall, and Harry’s flights, all at different times but in the same airport on the same day. They’re all packed, all five of them have been taking turns at everyone’s houses to make sure they got done, and everything feels like it’s ending.

“I want to learn how to do a backflip.” Niall answers, and Zayn raises her eyebrows at him. 

“I feel like it’s something I should do.” He says, shrugging, and Zayn grins. 

“Alright, Niall. Follow your dreams. How are you gonna do this?” Liam asks, his arm around Harry’s shoulders. 

“Hey, d’you guys remember that old abandoned house in Harry’s old neighborhood that had that sick trampoline? Do you think it’s still there?” Louis asks, perking up. 

“Oh, god.” Liam says, cringing, at the same time Niall jumps up excitedly. 

“Come on, field trip!” He’s yelling, running up Harry’s stairs with Louis following close behind him. 

“I thought being all settled with you would calm her down.” Liam’s groaning, and Zayn snorts.

“Sedatives couldn’t calm her down, Li.” She says, before pulling him up by the hand.

That’s how they end up trespassing on some forgotten neighbor’s home, jumping on their trampoline for the hundredth time since they were fourteen. The house is still empty, at least.

“God, this thing was the best. Remember that time I shattered my knee trying to do a cartwheel off of it?” Niall asks, bouncing high.

“All too well, Niall.” Harry says from where he’s sat in the middle, letting them bounce him. 

“I had to get surgery!” Niall yells giddily, and Zayn laughs. 

“They’re gonna love you in California, Niall.” She says, trying to get on the same bounces as him so she can go higher.

“Hope so, man.” Niall says, grinning wide. 

Louis is trying to convince Liam to let her get on his shoulders, and he’s somewhere between laughing and yelling while she keeps trying to grab his shoulders so she can jump on him. 

“Hey, wait, everybody clear off. I wanna try this.” Niall says suddenly, and they clamber off the sides while Niall gets in position, bouncing high up on the edge. 

“Wish me luck!” He yells before jumping up and flipping backwards, landing on his ass and laughing loudly.

“You did it!” Louis yells, pushing herself back up to jump on top of him.

“I did it!” He yells with her, and the rest of them get back up to roll around on the trampoline with them.

“I’m gonna miss this.” Harry says, and Zayn reaches out to muss his hair.

“Yeah, me too.” Louis says with a little sigh.

“When’s the next time we’ll all be home, Thanksgiving?” Liam asks, and Zayn makes a noise while she thinks.

“Maybe. Hopefully sooner.” She answers, and Liam sighs, then.

“But we’ve got the screws. Screws keep things together.” Louis reminds them, and Zayn moves her other hand to find Louis’. 

“Screws keep things together.” Zayn repeats, before closing her eyes to block out the too-bright sun and listen to the sound of the quiet neighborhood and their breathing, all five of them finding the same rhythm

++

The airport is a scene from Home Alone, Zayn thinks as their three families, Louis, and Liam all make their way across the entrance, about nine suitcases between them. 

“This is so absurd,” Louis laughs, carrying one of Zayn’s suitcases, and Zayn grins back at her.

“Tell me about it,” Doniya says, rolling her eyes. “What a production.”

“Be quiet, Doniya.” Zayn’s mom scolds her, and Zayn sticks her tongue out at her older sister. 

Next to her, Niall’s brother is ruffling Niall’s hair every five seconds while his mom and dad well up into tears, and Harry’s older sister is leaning her head against Harry’s shoulder and carrying all of his bags. 

“This is pretty ridiculous, actually.” Zayn says, threading her fingers through Louis’, who squeezes her hand reassuringly. 

She’s never flown on a plane before, and she’s petrified, if she’s being honest. At least her parents are here, navigating her to the right terminal as her sisters jump around them, Aaroosa clinging onto her arm. 

But then they have to go through security, and Louis and Liam are with their parents, ticket-less and looking forlorn. 

“I’ll call you as soon as I land,” Zayn’s assuring her family and Louis and Liam all at once, while Harry and Liam hug and Niall’s dad is trying to give him some words of wisdom. 

“And then call me as soon as you get to your dorm,” Zayn’s mom and Louis say at almost the same time and turn to laugh half-heartedly at each other.

“Yeah, of course.” Zayn says, trying to smile but feeling herself tear up instead.

“Don’t worry,” Her dad says to her, hugging her. “You’ll be fine, alright?” 

Zayn nods, blinking fast and grinning at him. She repeats the process with her mom, and then Doniya, Waliyha, Safaa, and Aaroosa, the younger girls looking teary as well. 

Last is Louis, who hugs her for longer than her family did.

“I love you.” She says near Zayn’s ear, and Zayn nods quickly. “I love you and you’ll do so great and you’ll be so great.” 

Zayn’s still nodding, arms wrapped around Louis. 

“Don’t go finding some artsy boytoy in New York, alright Malik? I’m in this for the long haul.” Louis says, and Zayn gives a watery laugh.

“C’mon,” Louis says, pulling them over to where Harry and Liam are standing, Harry crying a little while Liam looks like a puppy whose tail just got stepped on. 

“Group hug, c’mere Niall.” Louis says, and Niall pulls away from his brother to join them, falling into each other the way they’ve been learning how to do for years. 

“I know you three are gonna have all day to cry all over each other or whatever, but me and Liam have to leave soon.” Louis says, a waver audible in her voice.

Harry sniffles in response, loud in Zayn’s ear. 

“Everyone have good flights and arrivals, alright?” Liam says, his arms wrapped around all of them. They all nod, their heads bumping each other.

“We’ll see you soon.” Liam says as they let go, stepping back with Louis. 

“Love you guys,” Niall says, rubbing at his eyes.

“Love you too,” They all say in response at once, and grin at each other. 

“Have a good time.” Liam says, and Zayn grins. 

“I’ll try, but I’ll miss ya too much, Liam.” She says, aiming for joking but coming out sentimental.

They give their last round of goodbyes, call you as soon as I get ins, love yous, and then it’s just them, three barely-adults holding all of their belongings in a big airport.

They eat McDonalds and don’t talk much, Harry still crying off and on and Niall showing him videos of babies to try and cheer him up but not succeeding very much.

“I’m first, aren’t I?” Harry asks, glancing at his boarding pass. 

“Think so. You’re noon, I’m two, and Zayn’s three.” Niall says from memory before Harry can find the time on his boarding pass. 

“I’ve never flown alone before,” Harry says quietly, and Niall says, “Me either.”

“I’ve never flown at _all_ before.” Zayn says, dragging a french fry through ketchup. 

“You’ll be fine.” Niall assures her, slinging his arm around her shoulders.

Zayn nods, for what feels like the four-hundredth time that day, and goes through the next couple hours out of routine.

She cries when Harry gets on the plane, wrapping them all in a last hug before he disappears through the doors, eyes red from crying again. 

“He’s a weepy kind of guy, isn’t he?” Niall asks, even though Zayn can see him crying too.

She leans against him and lets him put his arm around her waist, burying her face in his shoulder. 

“I didn’t realize it would be this hard,” She says quietly, and Niall rubs her back. 

And then Niall’s leaving too, hugging her hard and messing up her hair. 

“I’ll talk to you later, yeah?” He says, and Zayn nods, and they’re both crying on each other but trying to smile through it. 

“Good luck.” He says, pulling her in again before backing up and walking away, smiling at her before turning around for the last time, and Zayn follows his dark brown roots until they close the doors to the gate. 

She thinks about calling Louis, but that makes her want to cry more, so she heads to her gate instead, sitting on the ground against a pole with her backpack pulled up against her knees. She sketches constellations, the last ones Louis had pointed out when they were lying in the park a few days ago. 

She was getting good at finding them now, using the big dipper to find the little dipper, and informing Zayn that the real name of the little dipper was ursa minor. She can find the rest of ursa major now too, and then that weird one that looks kind of like a kite with legs. 

She draws bears, underneath the star patterns, a small one sleeping on top of a bigger one. And then she gives up and just draws Louis, her defined profile. 

She draws until it’s enough to take her mind off of everything, getting graphite all over her hands until the lady at the desk announces it’s time for boarding.

As they take off, Zayn grips the armrests, the professional-looking business woman sitting next to her looking amused. Zayn hates her. Zayn hates everything. 

She tries not to look out the window, instead focusing on the ghost of Louis’ words, hearing her voice saying _you’ll be great_ over and over again in her head until she falls asleep twenty thousand miles in the air.

++++

“Harry, can you turn off the indie trash?” Louis asks, rolling her eyes behind her webcam.

“So sorry, princess.” Harry says, rolling his eyes, and she flutters her eyelashes.

“As you should be.” 

Zayn laughs, eyes trained on Louis’ every mannerism. She misses everything about her, more and more. She would tell her so, except not in front of the boys.

“So how is everyone?” Liam asks, running his hand through his hair, which has gotten longer since the last time Zayn saw him.

“Good, man. Except for midterms soon, but it’s whatever.” Niall says, shrugging. 

“It’s whatever? Aren’t you in engineering classes?” Harry asks, laughing, and Niall shrugs again.

“Alright, well fuck you, boy genius.” Louis says, sticking her middle finger up, and Niall winks. 

“I’m thinking about rushing.” Liam says, and Niall laughs.

“Man, of course you are. You totally should, you’d be the designated driver for everything ever.” He says, and the rest of them smile.

“Liam Payne, frat boy. Can’t say I’m surprised.” Louis says, and Zayn makes an agreeing noise.

“That’s kind of hot.” Harry says, looking considering, and Liam blushes. 

“Yeah?” He asks, and Harry nods, biting his lip. 

“Alright, stop. You guys are so gross.” Louis complains.

“Don’t talk, Lou, you accidentally sent me a text instead of Zayn the other day.” Liam says, looking disgusted.

“Well! I didn’t know you would see it, did I? You two, with your nauseatingly public displays of affection.” Louis says, rolling her eyes, but she looks flustered. 

“Well while you lovebirds pine for each other, I’ll be over here.” Niall says. 

“How’s your love life been, Niall?” Harry asks, and Niall grins.

“Good, man. I was kind of dating this girl, she was cool, but then she kind of disappeared, and it’s whatever because it was just a couple dates, but then I met this guy on the rugby team? He’s, uh. Yeah. That’s great. Hey, wait, actually, you guys’ll never believe this. Guess what his name is?” Niall asks, laughing.

“What?” Zayn asks.

“Niall! Niall fucking Breslin. But he goes by Bressie, so it’s not that weird.” Niall says, shrugging, and Louis cackles.

“Fuck, leave it to Niall to go to California and find a guy with the same name as him. What’s he like?” Louis asks.

“He’s cool, yeah. He’s really, like. He’s really big. He’s like six and a half feet tall. But also he’s like, nice and stuff” Niall says, blushing, and Louis wolf whistles. 

“ _That’s_ hot.” Harry says, eyebrows raised, and Zayn laughs. 

“Wow. That must be interesting.” Liam says, looking like he’s imagining the mechanics of it.

“I’ve never seen you so flustered over someone, Niall. Is it true love?” Harry asks.

“Shut up, Harry.” Niall says, blushing.

Perrie comes back into their room and Harry says, “Ooh! Is that your roommate?” 

“Yeah.” Zayn says, turning to Perrie. “Hey, wave hi to my friends from home.”

Perrie runs over excitedly. “Hi! Um, lemme see. I’ve seen Louis before, hi Louis, and uh, blonde one is Neil?” 

“Niall!” Niall corrects her. “Happens all the time.”

“Sorry, Niall. Um, you’re Harry and Liam, right? I don’t know how to tell you apart.” Perrie says, sounding apologetic.

“Easy. Harry’s the one that looks like he does a lot of yoga, Liam’s the one who’s about to join a frat.” Louis says, trying to sound helpful even while Harry pouts.

“Oh, okay. So Liam, and Harry.” Perrie says, pointing to the correct boxes, and Louis cackles. 

“Heyyyy,” Harry says, and Louis rolls off of her bed laughing. 

“Hey, I gotta go, my roommate wants to go to a party.” Liam says, glancing behind him.

“Have fun, stay safe, love you.” Harry says immediately, and Liam smiles and nods.

“Bye, Li.” Zayn says, and Niall repeats her.

“God, you’re such a stereotype, Liam. Love you. Have fun.” Louis says, poking her head up from where she’s sitting on her floor.

“Love you guys!” He says, leaning down in front of his webcam before his box goes dark.

“Can’t believe you’re dating a party boy, Harry.” Niall says, and Harry laughs.

“A frat boy, even.” Zayn says. 

“Whatever makes him happy.” Harry says, looking fond.

“Ugh, god, you guys are _gross_.” Louis says, sticking her tongue out.

“Stop calling love gross, Louis.” Harry says, frowning at her.

“Never.” She says indifferently.

“Zaaaayn,” Harry whines, sounding like a toddler.

“Louis, stop calling love gross.” Zayn says in a dry voice. 

“Anything for you, darling.” Louis says, winking.

Niall and Harry laugh, and it all feels the same, really. Even though she can’t hear their laughs properly, the warm way they sound when they’re all in the same room, it feels the same. Even after two months in different cities, they’re all the same people, and their group chats help reassure each other of that.

Later, when it’s just Louis and Zayn, Louis will try to point out constellations to her over the phone, and Zayn pretends she can see them, because she can never get them to make sense unless Louis’ pointing her finger to the brightest star in the shape. 

“Twelve days till you come home,” Louis reminds her, and Zayn smiles.

“Twelve days till I get to see you.” Zayn says back. 

“I miss your shampoo. Is that weird? Sometimes I’d use it and it’s so much nicer than mine. My hair is lackluster now, Malik, and I blame you.” 

“I miss your everything.” Zayn says, burying her face in her pillow. 

“Mm. I miss your everything too. Let’s get tattoos when you come back.” 

“Alright. Whatever you want, Lou.” Zayn says, and it’s so honest that for a minute it surprises her. 

“Fuck, I love you.” Louis says, and Zayn laughs, quiet and sleepy.

“Love you too, Lou. Gonna fall asleep, stay on the line?” Zayn asks, hoping her sentence made sense.

“Have you missed my snoring too, then?”

“Actually, yeah.” Zayn says, laughing a bit again.

“‘Course I’ll stay on. Goodnight, Zayn.”

“Goodnight, Louis.” Zayn says, listening to the sound of Louis’ breathing, hundreds of miles away but still present in Zayn’s ear.

“Twelve days.” Louis says in a quiet voice, and Zayn smiles.

“Twelve days,” she breathes back, and then she lets the familiar cadence of Louis’ breath lull her to sleep.


End file.
